A few weeks ago, I talked about not watching the countdown clock for JEXIT (that’s what I’m calling it now – my Jakarta exit…tee hee!). I think I don’t do it so much anymore but I admit that the clock is still there running down in the back of my mind every day. Mostly, I’m able to ignore it but there are some days when it’s not so easy. For example, the Monday and Tuesday after I got back from Bandung.
On Sunday night, I went to bed early with some medication in my system. I awoke on Monday morning feeling not too bad but with a low-grade fever and a cold. I took a dose of Pharma because I had a full day ahead of me and I didn’t have the luxury of skiving off work and staying in bed all day. With only 2 of us here holding down the fort, I felt that it would have been unfair to push off my 4 classes onto the other guy. I cancelled my morning class (there are only 4 kids in that class) and did all my administrative work in the morning, because I had my teenagers to teach that evening and they require a lot of focus.
As I sat working that entire morning, all I wanted to do was go to bed. I wanted to be in a comfy bed or on a comfy couch, snuggled up under a comforter, reading a book or watching TV until I fell asleep. Then I wanted to wake up in that comfy bed or couch and drink some fresh, natural orange juice, eat some chocolate (my dad always used to bring me OJ and chocolate whenever I was sick as a child so now they’re my go-to illness comfort foods) and go back to reading or watching TV until I fell asleep again. I wanted to spend the day in bed, relaxing while the virus ran its course. But I couldn’t. A day never felt so long in my life!
Finally, finally, 5 pm rolled around and I got started on my evening classes. By the time I was done teaching the last class, my voice was almost gone. As soon as the kids left, I shut down my laptop, had a quick shower, took some more Pharma and went to bed. I woke up the next morning feeling much better but still not one hundred percent. And again I just wanted to spend the day in bed. But again, I couldn’t – too much to do. So I powered through and as soon as the last kids left for the day, I shut down and headed to bed.
Those 2 days moved at a snail’s pace. It seemed like they would never end. And because I felt unwell and my defenses were a little lower than usual, my JEXIT countdown clock ticked so loudly in my head on those days. I just wanted to be not here, you know?
Isn’t it funny how we have the same 24 hours in every single day but some of those 24 hours seem to drag while others seem to fly by? The dragging days are usually because I’m engaged in things I don’t want to be engaged in, or I feel less than my best emotionally. The fly-by days are usually because I’m engaged in something I love or because I’m very busy trying to get a million things done.
I really don’t want the days until JEXIT to be a drag. Thankfully, now that I’m back in fighting form my countdown clock has returned to its place in the background of my mind. Plus, I think part of my problem is missing little daily luxuries, so I’m spending more of my single days off in surroundings that give me some comfort – more mini-escapes.
I’ve spent too many years of my life with time either getting away from me or feeling like I want to be doing something else. I know exactly when JEXIT will be, so it’s now my responsibility to spend my remaining time here consciously, deliberately and productively. I don’t want to miss one opportunity that God sends my way because I was busy wishing time away!